Something Weird On Demand

Rewind/Remake/Remodel

Whenever people ask me what happened to Atomic TV - the analog video dinosaur Scott Huffines and I breach-birthed in 1997 and which ran through 2001, give or take a few holiday specials here and there in the 'Naughties - and why we don't do the show anymore, I go through my usual litany of excuses/explanations, including: unemployment, employment, the rise of digital video, YouTube, On Demand, Internet broadcasting, my computer crashing, my editing VCR dying, my frustrations with Baltimore City Cable, apathy, lethargy, ennui, and so on and so on.

All of the above were valid reasons, but now I have a much simpler explanation: Something Weird Video's Select On Demand programming for Comcast cable television.

It's everything ATV tried to do, only better and briefer (in 4-10 minute easy-to-consume clips) and done with today's fancy editing software, so what's the point of competing with a better idea? Seattle-based Something Weird Video used to be Mike Vraney and Lisa Petrucci's video emporium, but that operation soon begat DVDs, then a website, and then slickly packaged and edited content for Comcast On Demand, showing selected retro striptease clips, vintage educational/classroom scare films, and psychotronic film trailers.

But now (September 2008), Something Weird On Demand is offering its first "original" programming with the debut of new programming entries Weird U, Ad Nauseum, Trailer Trash, and Naughty Bits. Each program applies the Mystery Science Theatre aesthetic of adding smartass commentary to the original campy footage, only whereas MST just added a voiceover track of the MST crew's commentaries, Something Weird's approach is that of a remix: they re-edit the footage, add new narration and semi-synched dialogue - as well as new title cards and graphics - to create mock instructional films (Weird U), commercials (Ad Nauseam), movie trailers (Trailer Trash) and miscellaneous horror/TV/music spoofs (Naughty Bits).

Normally, I hate this sort of thing, reflecting as it does the smug and ironic sensibilities of today's digitally savvy, retro pop culture-appropriating 20something hipsters. I mean, I much prefer the unadulterated original content lampooned by the MST crew and I hate the Rhino Video reissues in which Johnny Legend and Elvira insert their "personalities" into the mix (though in the case of the 1961 semi-3D cult classic THE MASK, Elvira's "Mistress of the Dark" version is the only one currently available, albeit used - for which I'm eternally grateful). And I'm not sure I won't soon grow sick of it...but on a recent dull Sunday afternoon I found myself watching these with great amusement.

Maybe that's fueled by pure ego, because I see a lot of the techniques and 'tudes we used on Atomic TV - context broken-up and transitioned with TV static, drive-in intermission ads, exploitation/psychotronic film trailers - only done slicker and better.

The best of the lot is the Trailer Trash clip that has faux trailers for "Tighty Whitey" (a redubbing of Joe Wiezycki's 1975 film oddity Satan's Children, delivered in a raspy Blaxploitation voiceover) and the chop-socky spoof "1001 Ways To Die" (a redubbing of 1,001 Shaw Brothers movies from the '60s and '70s).


SATAN'S CHILDREN provides fodder for "Tighty Whitey"

I guess I liked "Tighty Whitey" because it reminded me of the footage we used to air on Atomic TV of Chris Jensen (former Atomic TV cameraman and still-legendary Charles Village proprietor of Jensen Plumbing Service) dancing around in his (soiled) tighty whities. Of course, since then Chris the Plumber has tried to circumvent his "stained" reputation by going full-on "commando," as shown below:


Chris the Plumber goes commando during Plumber's Union Initiation Ritual

At the very least, Something Weird's new programming has spurred me to seek out the original Satan's Children, a film that not only features tighty whiteys, but also incest, torture, gang-raping gay bikers (who may or may not be on acid), and homo-hating Satanists (I see a potential conflict if the alternative lifestyle-detesting Satanists ever run into the en masse-molesting gay bikers) for good measure. (Satan's Children is available from SWV as an economy class DVR-R, as well as a special edition DVD double-feature paired with Asylum of Satan.)

So don't fret, psychotronic film purists. Something Weird is still the national depository for "the strange world of exploitation films, drive-in thrillers, grindhouse B-movies, youth scare documentaries" in their original, unadulterated, feature-length form. They're just playing around with a remix experiment, but remain the primo source for sensational and outrageous cinematic cheap thrills.

Unofficial Something Weird Episode Guide:
OK, here's my unofficial episode guide to Something Weird On Demand's new programs for September 2008:

WEIRD U 1
A Career in Stripping
F**king Steady

WEIRD U 2
Party with the Right People
Let's Go Mugging

WEIRD U 3
The Black, Angry Talking Car
The A, B, Cs of Babysitting

WEIRD U 4
Duck & Cover
Kids Army Recruitment Promo

AD NAUSEAM 1
The Sticks
Toothade Festival

AD NAUSEAM 2
Goliath Pest Control
Victor's Secret Lingerie

AD NAUSEAM 3
Frankenstein for Mayor

AD NAUSEAM 4
Otto the Mad Butcher's Meats
Neumann Moustache Solution

TRAILER TRASH 1
Dick Justice
Teenage Hellcats on the Road To Hell Are Going To Hell!

TRAILER TRASH 2
Tighty Whitey
1001 Ways To Die

TRAILER TRASH 3
Raging Bull 2
Stereotype Smackdown

NAUGHTY BITS 1
Trauma Unit

NAUGHTY BITS 2
Brush Your Teeth Like Drew Carey's Dad
School Safety Patrol

NAUGHTY BITS 3
Transylvania Games

NAUGHTY BITS 4
The Real World Hell


Related Links:
Satan's Children (IMDB)