Egged On

I Am the Egg Man

This past Sunday at Trader Joe's I suffered yet another blow to my sensitive psyche when a woman called me out on my lack of cooking savvy. I was in the prepared meals sections when I spied a bag of one dozen pre-boiled eggs. Hmmm, I thought, good source of protein and all the work's been done - no need to set the timer, no need to even boil water.

After placing the bag in my cart, a woman came up to me. Ah, another aquaintance from the library, I thought, or perhaps someone who recognizd me from Atomic TV. I was wrong. The woman spoke.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I just had to see what kind of man would buy a bag of hard-boiled eggs. I mean, they're just so easy to boil!"

Suddenly I felt like I had purchased Barely Legal at the convenience store and was being assailed by a righteous Christian Mom taking the moral (albeit busy-body) high road. It was just a bag of eggs!

I answered her: "Someone like me, a toxic bachelor who hates to cook, even a hard-boiled egg."

The woman scoffed, turned around and continued shopping, adding a jar of Wasabe mayonnaise to her over-stuffed cart.

Today I Googled "bag of hard-boiled eggs" and learned that not only am I not a scapegoat for all lazy bachelor egg consumers, but rather a future-looking savior of the egg industry. Witness this report.

Pre-boiled eggs could save the industry - Julie Doyle

With declining consumption and falling prices the country's egg producers have been struggling for some time. But one Victorian producer has decide to take matters into his own hands and use a novel idea in an attempt to boost sales. The 'Natures Dozen' company has launched a new product called 'Hard Boiled Eggs', already peeled and packaged for customers' convenience. The launch of the product coincides with a push to change consumer perceptions of eggs as unhealthy. Dino Salvatore, director of the company, Natures Dozen, says eggs contain almost all the vitamins needed for a healthy diet. Dino Salvatore says the hard-boiled eggs have taken years to develop and he's confident they'll help to revive the egg industry.

"I think we do need to change the perception of people's ideas of eggs. It's just nature's best fast food, an egg itself. With the vitamins, nearly every vitamin that's known - except for vitamin C - and all the minerals and protein and everything, that's in an egg. I think we just need to get that back into focus," Mr Salvatore said.

Not only was my fast-food perception of the the egg right on the pulsebeat of American consumer consciousness, but it was also politically correct. You see, these were free-range eggs, or as the packaging put it, "Cage Free."

So hmmmfffpphhh, Ms. Busybody Holier-Tha-Thou Caller-Outer!

Related Links:
Pre-boiled eggs could save the industry