My Heart's First Bind

The first time I saw you

Shakespeare, right

But it was the truth

Saw true beauty this night

Denied it but I knew

This was love at first sight



The first smile you ever gave me

Erased the long miles

Brought me thoughts of we

A day a month, awhile

How I thought quite possibly

Together we would smile



The first kiss was only blown

So many but one for me

And how such love was sown

I wanted us to be

Though my lips had never known

Only on the screen



The first night I wished forever

But only just a dream

Yet to be together

Would have given anything

I dreamed my life was better

If I could make you sing



The first I and thought the last

You and me to we

All that’s in the past

We could never be

My heart thrown in the trash

Nothing more to see



Firsts I wonder why

I knew it wouldn’t last

But why do I still cry

And I still love your ass



In love and yet forbidden

No you won’t be mine

To love you is a sin

A first, My Heart’s First Bind



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

The First Impressionist

The first impressionist

A guess

As to how I will be perceived

Me

What I am

And what lands

Against life’s canvas

But the truth is



The joker made joke

Because I choke

On any reason of mine

And become the punch line

My smile a tool

That makes me look like a fool

I am made jester

Laughter not treasured



The power… I cower

Neither now nor any hour

Do I rule or decide

I’m waiting on death to die

Thunderstruck

And I’m caught up

Being a slave

Everyday



The artist made picture

And I’m not any richer

A picture worth a thousand words

Millions meant nothing to the pretty girl

Siren’s song sung

I should have run

As for today

I’m not even part of the play



The player being played

Not making love or laid

Chivalrous

Yet Cupid missed

Nice guys finish last

Both good and bad

Which am I to be?

She never did see



The lover made other

Not man but beast, girls shudder

I’ve been in love, at least I think

As the song goes “love stinks”

And yet the funk

Makes me a punk

Because I can’t help myself

And so I want to be somebody else



An impressionist

A guess

As to what I should be

If more than me

Because the first impression

Is always the wrong direction

This impressionist

The truth is…



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

The I Don't Knows of First

Where do we go… from here?

What do I mean we?

There’s only me

Who I want to be

And the fear

You sneer

The sky’s the limit

But I’ve never been in it

To win is a sin

Do I want to be here?



Or there

Having to look up

Not being so tough

Trying, not hard enough

Was I scared?

Too often told, “Beware”

One plus one is two

Me and you

But I have to lose

Would you still care?



If I wasn’t number one

This face

Another race

What a waste

Because when it’s done

Maybe better if I hadn’t run

In the end

As it always has been

The end

Does it matter if I’m not number one?



Such is my thirst

My fear of loving you, my curse

The I don’t knows of first



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Sea of Electrons, An Air

An air of pretty, was she

Dressed up, done up

Maybe in her pajamas

Her beauty wasn’t for me

Neither was her love

I was so dumb

Can’t breathe



An air of music, did she sing?

Her siren’s song

A love gone wrong

What she said to me

Be gone

It wasn’t so long

Can’t breathe



An air of feeling, where her fingers led

How I dreamed up her thighs

A keyboard saying, I wasn’t her guy

As if I was a monster like Fred

Why didn’t I die?

Did she lie?

Can’t breathe



An air of color, did her skin betray?

A blush of red

What we had said

Year and a half and then today

Not a shade led

Back to bed

Can’t breathe



An air of breath, how did she find, that final line?

Was it a sob?

Just told me to stop

And I said fine

A whole lot

What she wanted I was not

Can’t breathe



For there was not an air

Of love

Or lust

Just air

Not a must

And too much

Can’t breathe



In this sea of electrons



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Checkered Past

Jumped and thumped

Bumped and dumped

Across this board called life

Why must I fight



A game I don’t want to play

Anyway

But here I am today



With dreams to be king

Isn’t that the thing

A dream to win

I do but sin



And am made false

At such cost

Waiting for that final loss



Checked again and again

Where do I begin

To leave such a predicament

Confidence?



When I am surrounded

Astounded

Yet bounded



To head to the other side

Try and survive

This board

A want to be more



Than a drama queen

A king

I want to be…



Oh checkmate

I am far too late

Because of what is true

And what I was made into



That’s my ass

At last

My future is my Checkered Past



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Drowning In Because

A pool too deep

Angels fly

But where will your feet

Lie



I’m drowning because

It’s you I seek

Drowning because of us



A lake too cold

You are my light, so warm

But you I could never hold

If I were never born



I’m drowning because

You, I’ll never know

Drowning because of us



A river too dirty

Corrupted, violated, muddy

You were naughty and flirty

And I wanted lusty and slutty



I’m drowning because

I was so nerdy

Drowning because of us



An ocean too blue

Or black or red

Filth made true

Unheard, unsung, unread



I’m drowning because

I thought you knew

Drowning because of us



A sea too perilous

Too say hello again

Of you, never enough

Your heart, your skin, and sin



I’m drowning because

You I still love

Drowning because of us



Such is my love

My history

The two of us

Such a misery

Drowning In Because



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Goodbye Is My New High

Heads up and eyes high

Into the clouds, into the blue

And yet falling as if for a fallen angel

I am falling, have fallen, for you

But they all wonder why



Mouth agape, heaving, breathing, and speaking

To your back, your shadow, and your silhouette

My words are carried on the wind

The you you’re not, the one I can’t forget

Such volume; the crying and screaming



How many happy pills and forgotten thrills

To look up and see my betters

And love, yes love Big Brother

Acknowledging, you and I will never be together

Is this so far or very near?



Hotter and harder, straighter and higher

And I want to bury “it”

Deep and so down below

How I am truly sick

For you my one desire



But I will only ever rise a few feet

Never will I be one to fly

Or live truly free… but in death

Does anyone ask or cry

Where it is I now sleep



As high as I’ve ever been

I have only set out to go lower

Where you say and he says I belong

Never to fly, climb, or jump; only fall regardless

Why is this so very wrong?

To love you girl, never knowing your world

Such is my greatest sin



To look so very high

And I live even lower

Goodbye Is My New High



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Looking Dim

Aging in the black

Yet the light grows brighter

For life I have no knack

My heart grown no lighter

The deck is stacked



So blow them out

So many candles

No name now

My vandals



A moment eyes closed

But their lips are wide

Think I don’t know

Teeth, fangs, and knives

I hope they choke



So knock them out

Feast of flesh

Smacking so loud

Why aren’t I dead yet



The dark sky

Shows all its victims

And who am I

But a cell in the system

No goodbye



So don’t look up

Can’t help but feel envy

I was never enough

Abomination, God murder me



Would you take my picture?

Make me famous

These vultures much richer

How I hope it’s painless

Suicide’s the pitcher



So don’t be in pictures

But the world will know

Maybe an itchy trigger finger

On with the show



Smoke and fire

Beats breathing

This light my desire

I should be leaving

Still I won’t be admired



So don’t die

Rage, rage

Against the dying of the light

That you made



As you closed your eyes

The Abomination

Yet you wonder why

I chose such a sin

Finally in the light

That’s looking dim



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Aloft My Love

Aloft my love, your pedestal

Seems I’ve been most meddlesome

Where I stand, not boy or man

Can you fly or think you can



Did you fly or did I place

Beast and beauty was a chase

But if I stopped would you wait?



Aloft my love, your words take flight

Like my own they drift and die

Upon the air they breathe their last

Like my heart they’re in the trash



A love story, those bits of paper

Nothing but a worthless labor

And yet their voices cry out “save her”



Aloft my love, your ground I kiss

And yet your feet… they seem to miss

But why is it I still adore

When you cannot touch the floor



“Hanging” out, is it someday

Back and forth you swing and sway

I love you more than yesterday



Aloft my love, your body ash

Against my skin, why do you latch?

In every breath, it’s you I hold

Even in my blackened soul



Still above and trapped within

Girls like you “I’m better than him”

Perhaps you are my dear sweet sin



Aloft my love, I dream an angel

Or a ghost you haunt and dangle

Do you rest with God above?

Haunting me, in hate or love



How I longed to see you fall

But not for me, no not at all

And yet for you I climbed I crawled



Just a girl, you were my love

Worshipped you, no one above

And yet your heart I couldn’t catch

Can’t heave peace, don’t know rest

Fly or place, you were so high

Just to drift and sway and die



Never mine, a lost love

You’re so high, aloft my love



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

No One Goes There

Where you gonna Turn

Which direction

Haven’t you learned?

Nothing but correction

Going round in circles



Left or right

By those that claim purple

Blinded by the light



Where you gonna Seek

Already there

What they say about the meek

Why should you care?

About a cure



The answer

It’s like cancer

Truth kills faster



Where you gonna Go

It’s a small world

Don’t you know?

So what if home were

Real



Monsters don’t confess

You know the deal

A life repossessed



Where you gonna Run

Can you even see?

In the setting sun

All you have is feet

And then you fall



Flat on your face

Do you bawl?

When the monsters taste



Where you gonna Hide

Nowhere

Because you’ll believe the lie

Are you scared?

You should be



Already lost

Not like me

Your soul the cost



Where you gonna go

Run or hide

No one knows

Or finds



No One Goes There



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.