Gina DePalma: Sex Incarnate

It has come to my attention that I haven't written about Ugly Girl Porn in some time. Perhaps it's because I'm understandably hesitant to call anyone I stroke to ugly. That's both women-hating and self loathing. I can't afford that kind of therapy.

So for the sake of Neckties for Reptiles I enlisted the help of female friend to skim through my hard drive and pick out the next Ugly Girl for your pleasure.

(NOTE: Ladies, if you spend an hour going through a ludicrous amount of porn with your guy friend and he doesn't make a pass at you, it doesn't mean he's gay. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to fuck you. Maybe it means he truly values your friendship. Or perhaps he doing some SERIOUS research. Just saying, Lyndsey.)

She was quick to pick Gina DePalma. And by "quick to pick" I mean after the hour it took to get down to G. Repulsed. She was repulsed by DePalma.

"Is this the type of girl you're into?"

Outwardly, I shrugged noncommittally.

Inwardly, I recalled the times I've stroked to her. It's an absurd number.

So good readers. I give you Gina DePalma. What she lacks in looks she more than abundantly makes up for in sex appeal and passion. The woman sweats lust. I'm getting hot and bothered just writing about her.

I would highly recommend her scene at Exploited Moms (Who've provided a disproportionate share of Ugly Girl Porn), but that site is a hot mess. It's not in the previews and probably not even in the member's section. Cop the torrent. Or depositfiles.

Ms. Tease

Warning: this holy grail is very much Ugly Girl Porn. Watch out if you're not ready. Worse yet, it's from Exploited Moms, a site with its fair share of rough-looking women. I suspect this is a holy grail only because it's hard to find. What is it that economists say, scarcity creates value?

Ms. Tease, God bless her. I'm not quite sure what I see in her but she grows more attractive with every failed attempt to score her full vid. I've logged hours trying (imagine that!) but with no luck. I've even considered actually paying for a membership. But then I heard that her video isn't even on the member's site, even though it's advertised. Talk about running a tight shift. Heard that from a guy who more obsessed with Ms. Tease than I am. It's great not to be alone.

I did after some trouble manage to download her trailer. That keeps the passions at bay for a little while. When that stops working I'll watch a scene Kaci Starr did with Blacks on Blondes. It's a bit eerie but she looks like she could be Ms. Tease's daughter. The hair and makeup are the same right down to the eye shadow and their bodies are the same basic shape except of course Kaci Starr is more petite, way cuter, and less sloppy.

I imagine there's an alternate universe out there where everything about my life is the same, except one thing. In this parallel world, I'd been trying like hell for months and months to get a hold of the Kaci Starr scene but instead had to settle for butt ugly Ms. Tease. And in this universe, all is right with the world. The Sexual Revolution never fizzled because there's no such thing as AIDS. No one voted for the dumb rich kid even once. It doesn't cost anything to go to college. And war is abolished. All disputes are settled with breakdance battles. Yes, a truly perfect world.