Creeped Out

I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
- Radiohead

The creepiest thing about John Karr - and there are many things to choose from - are his spaced out blue eyes. Aloof and so far past icy-cool, they're positively cryogenic. They're really quite creepy. So creepy that my girlfriend likened his countenance to Gary Numan (the strange '80s pop star who once sang about "Cars" - no relation). Creepy eyes are fine if you're a pop star. I mean, think back to David Bowie, he of the two-tone eyes, circa The Man Who Fell To Earth. (Come to think of it, John Karr's slender physique and callow face are not un-Bowie-like)...but in a substitute teacher? CREEPY. Especially when, as my girlfriend pointed out, he wears those hitched-up khaki pants up so high that his pants look like they're 6 inches too short, like he's doing an impression of Jerry Lewis or Pee-Wee Herman.

But of all the creepy things I've read about him (the teenage wives, the child pornography, the flirting with kids in school, owning a frigging DeLorean for Chrissakes!), the best description so far has been the writer who characterised him as "a spaced-out Lee Harvey Oswald." That's great, and so on target! Nail on head accurate. The guy's demeanor is so tranquil, so Mr. Rogers-on-Thorazine-like, that one wonders exactly what he was smoking over in Thailand when he wasn't diddling little kids in the Capital of Human Sex Trafficking. (Does anyone actually go to Thailand for anything but sex? Besides the Red Cross, that is, after typhoons? I mean, it's like paradise for sex offenders - just look at Gary Glitter's recent bust there, where Gary had gone so native he looked like Ho Chi Minh!).

Forget Charles Manson - his kind of hippie-with-a-Swatzika-carved-in-the-forehead crazy is too obvious. John Karr is the face of a true psycho killer. A real creep. And pull those pants down, man - or get a good tailor in the can! Jeesh!