Jeff Koyen's CRANK was one of my all-time favorite magazines back in the pre-Internet, pre-Blog halcyon days of early '90s Do-It-Yourself Zinedom.
CRANK stood out against the competition because of its signature clip art and such great columns as MY FAVORITE ASSHOLE and MY FAVORITE CUNT. And the "How to Drive Drunk" article is legendary. But perhaps his greatest moment was Issue #2, the TREPANATION issue.
What is trepanation? The fine art of drilling a hole in one's head. THE ULTIMATE BODY PIERCING. For - get this! - Enlightenment! The Ancient Greeks, Romans, and Egyptians all did it, and they weren't exactly on the intellectual Short Bus, what with their iambic pentameters, aqueducts and pyramids. Want to know more? It's all explained in the easy-to-follow illustrated guide excerpted below:
Trepanation: An Illustrated Guide
"I need ____ like I need another hole in my head."
Well, baby, maybe you DO need another hole in your head! Ever consider that? Here's THREE FUCKING PAGES dedicated to how we, at CRANK, would acquire new holes of our own. Ink by the incredible Dennis McGee.
So remember: He who hesitates is lost. He who trepanates is found. With a hole in his head! So all you Modern Primitives out there, get over your kid stuff pierced nipples and tongue studs and get drilling! To read the entire article, follow the link below. Enjoy!:
http://www.crank.com/html/crank2/crank2_trepan1.html
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