AYVEQ - BROOKLYN'S FAMOUS MASTRUBATING WALRUS - R I P

By Gersh Kuntzman
The Brooklyn Paper

Ayveq, the walrus whose bizarre, though oddly compelling, masturbation rituals made him an international sensation at the New York Aquarium, has died. He was 14.

Though well-liked long before he discovered the habit that would make him a star, Ayveq’s frequent public self-gratification made him the Coney Island institution’s singular attraction.

“We are all still in shock about it,” Aquarium Director Jon Forrest Dohlin said. “He was an absolute delight. He had a magnetism and a charm that was totally his own. He loved people and he knew how to work a crowd and entertain guests.

“And himself,” Dohlin added. “He did have a raffish charm, no doubt about it.”

THIS IS A RELATED AYVEQ EQUALLY CHARMING MATING STORY

The eyes of the world — well, at least the walrus-loving world — were on the New York Aquarium last week, where the new baby walrus made his debut.

But my eyes were on Ayveq, the Coney Island institution’s famously self-satisfying sea beast.

Readers of this column know that I have a long-established affection for Ayveq and his prodigious proclivities. So when I heard that Ayveq was the father of the new walrus calf — and that he had mated with his formerly frigid gal pal, Kulu — I rushed straight to the Aquarium for a tank-side interview.

The bad news: Ayveq is about as good a father as Bob Guccione. The good news: He’s still masturbating.

“Even as the photographers and the camera crews were shooting the new baby in the other tank, there he was, slapping away against the glass,” said Aquarium spokeswoman Fran Hackett, referring to Ayveq’s famous technique.

This was a great relief to me, given that this newspaper once called Ayveq one of the singular tourist attractions in the world (and not because of his dreamy red eyes, mind you!).

For years, I pestered Hackett to reveal to me (exclusively, of course!) the very moment when Ayveq got past that ultimate adolescent hump (no pun intended) and finally found a female worthy of his libido.

Hackett kept putting me off (she had apparently promised the exclusive to Walrus World magazine — those bastards!), so when she called me with the big birth announcement, I knew something was up (very up in Ayveq’s case): He was the father!

And not a good one. Even as Kulu nursed and bonded her new baby, Ayveq was in the tank — and bedding down — with Nuka, a 25-year-old cow with seductively wide flanks and bedroom whiskers.

Could it be that Ayveq had finally abandoned his self-love ways?

“No,” said the Aquarium’s senior keeper Jo Basinger. “He’s only 13, so he’s often too annoying to her for her to even deal with him.”

Annoying?

“His constant attempts to breed, you know,” Basinger said (oh, I know all about annoying females through over-aggressive courtship rituals — believe me, I know).

“When he gets that way, she just steers clear of him.”

So that’s when he takes matters into his own fins, right? Not exactly.

“Oh, he does that whenever,” Basinger said. “It has nothing to do with whether he’s mating or not.”

This was not only big news to fans of walrus wanking, but of anyone looking for solace about his own limited parenting skills.

“You have nothing to worry about,” Hackett told me, referring to how Ayveq will never even come in contact with his son (despite their vast age difference, he’d consider him competition for the females). And if they had mated in the wild, Ayveq would have abandoned Kulu months before the child was even born (where are the family values politicians in the walrus world, I ask you?).

But the spirit of Ayveq lives on in his still-unnamed newborn. An Aquarium source told me that the tot has already discovered Ayveq’s secret pleasure spot and has started to entertain himself, even though he’s just three-and-a-half-months old.

Like father, like son

GREAT NEWS FOR MEN ! ! !

Men could reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer through regular masturbation, researchers suggest.

They say cancer-causing chemicals could build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly.

And they say sexual intercourse may not have the same protective effect because of the possibility of contracting a sexually transmitted infection, which could increase men's cancer risk.

Australian researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer and 1,250 who had not about their sexual habits.


This is a plausible theory
Dr Chris Hiley, Prostate Cancer Charity
They found those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop the cancer.

The protective effect was greatest while the men were in their 20s.

Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.

Fluid

Previous research has suggested that a high number of sexual partners or a high level of sexual activity increased a man's risk of developing prostate cancer by up to 40%.

But the Australian researchers who carried out this study suggest the early work missed the protective effect of ejaculation because it focussed on sexual intercourse, with its associated risk of STIs.

Graham Giles, of the Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne, who led the research team, told New Scientist: "Had we been able to remove ejaculations associated with sexual intercourse, there should have been an even stronger protective effect of ejaculations."

The researchers suggest that ejaculating may prevent carcinogens accumulating in the prostate gland.

The prostate provides a fluid into semen during ejaculation that activates sperm and prevents them sticking together.

The fluid has high concentrations of substances including potassium, zinc, fructose and citric acid, which are drawn from the bloodstream.

But animal studies have shown carcinogens such as 3-methylchloranthrene, found in cigarette smoke, are also concentrated in the prostate.

'Flushing out'

Dr Giles said fewer ejaculations may mean the carcinogens build up.

"It's a prostatic stagnation hypothesis. The more you flush the ducts out, the less there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them."

A similar connection has been found between breast cancer and breastfeeding, where lactating appeared to "flush out" carcinogens, reduce a woman's risk of the disease, New Scientist reports.

Another theory put forward by the researchers is that ejaculation may induce prostate glands to mature fully, making them less susceptible to carcinogens.

Dr Chris Hiley, head of policy and research at the UK's Prostate Cancer Charity, told BBC News Online: "This is a plausible theory."

She added: "In the same way the human papillomavirus has been linked to cervical cancer, there is a suggestion that bits of prostate cancer may be related to a sexually transmitted infection earlier in life."

Anthony Smith, deputy director of the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society at La Trobe University in Melbourne, said the research could affect the kind of lifestyle advice doctors give to patients.

"Masturbation is part of people's sexual repertoire.

"If these findings hold up, then it's perfectly reasonable that men should be encouraged to masturbate," he said.

WACKY WALMART WACKING GUY ???

Meet BaseballPlaya. He is a 21 year-old college student who likes baseball, camping, and masturbating in the Arrowhead Mall in Glendale, Arizona. To date, BaseballPlaya has posted thirty-one (31!) videos of himself masturbating in several stores, including Walmart, Barnes and Noble, and Dillards.

BaseballPlaya's unusual proclivities should make him an easy target for Arrowhead Mall security. Rather than use dressing rooms, he drops his pants next to the elderly as they shop for trousers, blissfully unaware of the skeezy exhibitionist behind them with a running camera.

Boinkology tries to find a greater meaning to the public indulgence.

Is it a fuck you to corporate America? Is it extreme exhibitionism? Is it viral promotion for Wal-Mart? We can't even begin to guess.

Maybe it is why Home Depot forbids their employees from apprehending criminals. Regardless, we would like to remind you that public masturbation is never an appropriation expression of whatever pent-up feelings you have towards any store.

The folks at the Arrowhead Mall need to know about this pervert so they can protect the public; Boinkology has additional pictures, and for the more adventurous, links straight to the NSFW video.

***SPECIAL BONUS PUBLIC MASTURBATION STORY***

Hot for the car
Edmonton man sentenced after masturbating on a BMW
By TONY BLAIS, COURT BUREAU



Sandy Wong gets turned on by expensive and classic cars, motorcycles and women with big feet and really likes to expose himself in public.

Unfortunately, the 45-year-old Edmonton man’s sexual deviancy has led to him “pleasuring” himself while sitting on the roof of cars, including a BMW on display at the Home and Garden Show at the Northlands Agricom.

Wong was sentenced Friday to 90 days in jail, which he has already served in pre-trial custody, and put on probation for two years after earlier pleading guilty to three counts of indecent exposure, two counts of mischief, two counts of obstructing a peace officer and theft.

“Mr. Wong is a sex offender. That is what he is,” said Crown prosecutor Kimberly Goddard. “These are sexual offences done in public; voyeurism, exhibitionism …”

Court heard Wong was observed checking out three BMW vehicles on display at the BMW display at the Home and Garden Show on March 22. Then, he was seen sitting on the roof of a 2007 BMW 328i sedan, valued at $50,000.

Shortly after that, Wong had dropped his sweat pants to his ankles and was spotted masturbating while sitting with his legs dangling over the driver’s door window.

Security eventually detained Wong until police showed up and a clean-up crew had to wash down the BMW.

According to psychiatrist Dr. Curtis Woods, Wong says he is “sexually attracted” to the BMW’s roof top because “it’s curved like a woman’s body, the sex appeal, it felt good.”

Woods said Wong reported he also gets aroused by certain cars, including a 1967 Camaro and a 1955 Chevy Bel Air, and blames the owners for buying the cars because it tempts him to “pleasure” himself.

Court heard Wong was also arrested May 24 for jumping on a 2005 MiniCooper outside the downtown Boston Pizza, dropping his pants and proceeding to “tuck, rub and bounce his naked genitalia” on the hood of the car.

He also admitted climbing onto the roof of a 1991 Buick Century parked at the rear of a south-side home, taking off his clothes and masturbating on June 12.

A witness said Wong was looking towards students in the playground of a nearby elementary school at the time, but Wong denied seeing or being motivated by the children.

In a psychiatric assessment of Wong, Woods said he told him he has a sexual preoccupation with women with big feet, has bought porn magazines about feet and once paid a prostitute $50 for a sexual service involving her feet.

He also revealed a “sexual captivation” with motorcycles.

Wong, who was born in North Korea and is living in a group home and receiving AISH benefits, has a lengthy criminal record including property offences and arson.

In 2004, he was convicted of several arson charges relating to a series of deliberately set fires in 2003 and jailed.

Provincial court Judge Peter Caffaro ordered Wong to abide by a 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. curfew for the first year of his probation and a weekend curfew for the balanc