A Baring Absence of Love

What is real is love real; I am in the baring absence of real and love but the feelings I have for you… penis feelings are definitely real. People tell me they love me and I say show me; show me love in a way that won’t make me want to kill myself.



Love is sacrifice but I’m not sure I am ready to sacrifice for you so I am not ready to love you but wanting you, that’s as easy as breathing. This room isn’t real because it’s not mine, neither is this computer, dare I say even my inspiration… the girl in the picture but the stone, the water, the sky; the people that own me don’t own them. They can’t tell me not to want, to desire, or even to truly love but how can I believe the love I wish to give to you is real?



Again sacrifice, bare everything you are to me and I will willing do the same but I can’t be alone in this, not anymore, for how many times have I revealed everything and what is focused on is the monster. I have seen too many angels on the outside only to reveal such hated of all things me on the inside; walk with me for I will not come to you. If you love me I should not hate myself I should love me and want to love you all the more because you see the real me.



Chrissy is real, hate is definitely real, hell everything that I know to be real hurts, maybe that’s why I want to know you as exposed as I am. They say it’s better to feel too much than too little but I’m sick of feeling hurt and I can’t go back to feeling nothing, I want to feel you, at least to know you’re real.



A Baring Absence of Love



To see it all

As I lie

Cry

And wonder why

You won’t fall



Across greenest grass

Money and power

Sunlit hours

Colorful flowers

Dirty without class

Muddy and ugly

Hug and snuggly

Will you still love me?

Or will you pass

Baring no love



Across rivers run

Tears and fears

Cheers and jeers

All the years

Waters and sun

Old and new

Will you be true?

Bare and nude

Or won’t be the one

Baring no love



Across blowing winds

Rumors and words

Other girls

This whole damn world

Above my sin

Will you fly so high?

And not lie

Never say goodbye

Or will you sin

Baring no love



It is not enough

To think so

Live with no

And be so low

While you bare no love



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Orange You Glad

“Paint It Black” paint you black; isn’t that what I’m offering or maybe it’s more that I’m offering you the darkness in order for you to shine brighter. I offer you all the time I have left and when I die if you truly are the one I love, with what words I have to give I offer you immortality but you want the now.



My heart has been shattered and with it the light, no wonder I look to beautiful girls full of light, color, and beauty to replace the nothingness I see inside myself. The thing is I don’t need much light just enough to beat out the most terrible darkness that is inside me, enough for me to see. So is that it, I’m offering to let you save me and in truth I don’t want to be saved, if anything I just want someone to burn with me, a fallen angel, hellfire.



All I have plenty of is time, at least for love, at least for you but what is it that I want to do with that time; I wonder have you read my other entries. I gave Chrissy a year and a half of my life but of course she brought me back from the dead; how I would love to leave this world, no a girl like you with the truth that you are beautiful, that you are loved, and that no matter what happens to me that such a love will never die. You might be “Just Another Girl” though and what do I have right now other than my darkness, my words, and time.



I can promise that I won’t get “Tired of You” if you truly are my love and that “I’ll Be” the greatest fan of your life. In the end though what do I truly know about love, I’m not ripe yet so honestly you’re like all the others, Orange You Glad.



~Orange You Glad~



Ripe

Season of love

Do you like?

Am I enough?



Fallen, picked, or plucked

From so many to be

If I have such luck

I guess we shall see

To only… or be in love

You and me



As I’m stripped and peeled

The inside of me

My fate is sealed

Is this happening?

To know, to feel

With you to be



The taste, the rush

A sweet confection

Becoming us

Natural selection

Love and lust

Lips an intersection



My beautiful girl

A flood

Not one word

The flavor, the touch

My world

This love



But this season

This time

Doesn’t look a thing like Jesus

So you won’t be mine

I’ll have no reason

And you’ll say goodbye



Ripe

Far better to be rotten

Won’t love me right?

My love for you stoppin’



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

More In The Closet...

No I’m not gay but I would probably be considered more depraved, more perverted, and more sinful considering all my ideas of sex. Everyone wants me to keep it in the closet… okay that’s fine but the problem is unlike the gays I’m all alone, hell I never even played that game Seven Minutes In Heaven.



Someone told me in a roundabout sort of way that these depraved thoughts will lead to depraved actions but while I have never hurt anyone and I’m probably as innocent as they come, a thought of wanting some girl pretty much equates to being a rapist; at least in this country. I’m willing admit I’m a pervert; Pervert, To turn from truth or proper purpose; to corrupt, to misinterpret; to misapply, call it the absence of love in my life. As for sinful… with or without the church I was always that and for the longest time I have been a masochist but now that I’m a sadist, I’m wrong.



So what about the closet… it’s just what I have been thinking about recently that I never had the normal teenage experiences and perhaps that explains my warped sensibilities when it comes to sex. Maybe that’s why I love the whole jailbait look you know; it could be worse, I could be into little boys but no I love the teenage girls, anyway this is another story. Seven Minutes In Heaven; I’ve never known what this is like but to be alone with a girl for seven minutes how does the song go, the only thing that looks good on me is you.



Yeah when I finally leave the closet I’ll be styling, profiling, and shining but who I am now will change and if anything I would think that would be a good thing. Seven minutes when I believe my world will fall apart in only five; close the door there’s More In The Closet.



~More In The Closet... ~



In the dark, the shades and the hues

Only you I see

Not the pinks and the blues

But you and me

Call us doomed

As long as we can be

In the dark, is that cotton?



The touch the feel

Isn’t rotten

Pleasure is too real

And who wants to stop it

A righteous kiss to seal



In the dark, how much did we spend?

Is there really nothing?

Or only sin

There’s something

Seven minutes again

More for loving



In the dark, until another day

But let it be night

Don’t feel like dressing anyway

Out there it’s so bright

Let’s just stay

This love is so right



In the dark, we don’t see the mess

Let us be blind

Maybe assess

That love is kind

You don’t need your dress

Girl you’re so fine



Amazing, just the way you are

In the light

But in the dark

Our artificial night

Love won’t be marred

We will be so bright

A work of art

Keep it in the closet… all right



Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.