Still Not Fascinating?

I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room this morning, getting sicker by the minute as I watched Maury Povitch's Jerry Springer-lite freak show on the telly, a "Hot and Sexy Opposites" special about couples madly in love with their physical polar opposites - you know, tall people with midgets, skinny guys with fat chicks, young guys with "sexy" seniors - that surely would have amused sideshow impressario P. T. Barnum or Nazi mix-and-match experimenter Dr. Mengele if they were still alive...when I suddenly saw someone who looked familiar.

"Wait," I thought. "I've seen that guy. he's a musician, he's in some band." Oh, yeah, Anthony Bedard (pictured at left), the drummer in the early 90s San Francisco "noisefuck" trio The Icky Boyfriends, a band whose charm, in one reviewer's apt description, "reveals itself like the too-familiar special sauce in your fish taco." And I remember thinking, "Maybe it's all not fake, maybe this calvacade of cultural perversion is for real?" But then I realized that musicians, being the world's greatest egotists - after politicians and writers, of course - will generally do anything to promote themselves and their bands, so I had a moment of doubt.

Talk Dupe
I recall years ago that Baltimore's rock troubadours Maypole once appeared on the Jerry Springer show, pretending to be a band torn asunder by a lesbian love triangle, but it was all a farce, concocted because the band wanted to travel to Chicago on Springer's dime. And who can blame them? I knew about the hoax because I nominated it for "Best Rock & Roll Swindle" in the Baltimore City Paper's 1995 Best of Baltimore issue, and later included the TV footage on Atomic TV's "Baltimore Local Music" episode. Anyway, a great e-list/newsletter site called owner-invisible-college has the full scoop (taken from "These Foolish Things," a 1998 Baltimore City Paper article on famous local pranks), and I reprint their description below:

On Valentine's Day 1995 the world learned the hissy, slap-and-bicker details of a musical lesbian love triangle gone decidedly sour. It was all in a day's work for that bastion of highbrow programming, The Jerry
Springer Show. Arrayed before Jerry's camera's were the three ladies from the Baltimore rock band Maypole, all breathlessly confessing that they made beautiful music together of another sort. The bassist, a shocked Middle America learned, was sleeping with the guitarist, who in turn was jumping the bones of the drummer.

Girls will be girls-and fools will be fools. Maypole's appearance earned it an award for "Best Rock 'n' Roll Swindle" in City Paper's 1995 Best of Baltimore issue. And now you know the rest of the story: this televised display of Sapphic dirty lingerie was a delicious slice of dyed-in-the-wool dupery, with TV's sleaze-talk king the victim. Maypole is no more, but we tracked down drummer Laura King and bassist Karen Palter to get the real story. After King called the Chicago-based show and aroused some interest in the ladies' love lives (claiming the band was called Pretty Beaver), Springer's advance crew upped the ante. It called Palter at work and asked if anyone else was involved in the she-said, she-said affair. A quick-thinking Palter dreamed up an angry ex-boyfriend, and he was invited to appear too. Percussionist-about-town Rob Oswald was only too happy to play the jilted boy toy, giddily flying out with just the clothes on his back. The scamming foursome stayed in Chicago only a night, but they made the most of it, ransacking the hotel minibar and keeping the room-service crew on its toes-all on Sir Springer's tab, of course.

The next day's taping was a flawless display of Method acting and teasing titillation. Oswald copped supporting-actor honors, repeatedly shouting "Slut!" and even hocking a loogy at guitarist Jane Kelly's face. (This, uh, juicy bit of drama was preplanned back in Baltimore.) Oswald's mouth-missile won the coveted clip-of-the-week spot on E! network's Talk Soup.

Recalling the hoax, Palter sheds some light on talk-show hospitality: "They pick you up in a limo and drop you off on a bus," she says: As soon as the on-air light winked out, Springer's toadies loaded the Baltimoreans-and the rest of that show's wackos-on a bus and whisked them back to the airport. Of course, the ex-Maypole lasses might be hoaxing us. Maybe they really area bunch of bed-hopping rock 'n' roll badasses. In any event, something romantically real did come out of the whirlwind Windy City trip. After playing out their wrecked coupling on TV, longtime friends Palter and Oswald embarked on a real-life courtship, and they've been together ever since. We can almost hear Montel's teaser now: "They fell in love on The Jerry Springer Show . . . up next!"

Meanwhile, back at the Waiting Room

OK, so back to the doctor's office. The guy in question was described as "Anthony, 37 year-old" who was in love with a 77-year-old stripper named Dixie.(BTW, what is it about rock musicians and strippers? Take away the age difference and this would be a normal pairing.) Joggling my brain, I knew I had seen this guy in a band, and then I recalled he was Anthony Bedard, erstwhile drummer for San Francisco cult band The Icky Boyfriends, whose greatest claim to fame was starring in "King of Super 8" director Danny Plotnick 's 1996 film I'm Not Fascinating - The Movie!, which Mr. Bedard co-wrote and co-produced and whose plot has been described as "the pointless shenanigans of rock 'n' roll ne'er-do-wells The Icky Boyfriends and their futile quest for rock 'n' roll stardom." No one knows about this film, which I first saw at the 1997 Baltimore MicroCineFest - a lone VHS copy of which is available only at local film lover's emporium Video American - but it's a fairly amusing look at the Pepsi-obsessed (they cook everything with it!) three-piece ensemble, whose other members were guitarist Shea Bond and one-of-a-kind fluffy-haired singer Jonathan Swift (not to be confused with the 18th Century English writer, but possibly to be confused with the 20th Century American cartoon character Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons). Together they played music that was likened to an unholy union of Half Japanese meeting Jonathan Richman (though Richman never penned songs about dental dams or the taste of his girlfriend's spermicidal jelly). Or, as music critic Jennifer Kelly so succinctly observed, the Ickies walked "a fine, very permeable line between unlistenable and brilliant," with lyrics "like an autistic child's stream of consciousness." No wonder Danny Plotnick loved them.

In the film, Anthony and Shea support themselves as instructors at a comedy school, while Jonathan refuses to work, spending his days getting his hair done and toenails polished. Well, those days have gone. I work with Jonathan Swift at the Baltimore city library, where he now lives down his glorious rock star past as a mild-mannered book shelver in the dusty, musty subterranean bowels of the Enoch Pratt Free Library. He may no longer be fascinating, but it looks like his old drummer is still trying to be. Post-Ickies, Bedard continued on in a duo called the Resineators, with guitarist David Nudelman, and looks to be a fellow cable access TV producer for something called ACTV (Acid Caberet TV). Oh, and I just ran across this news item from SF's Bay Guardian, dated May 26, 2003 (so the Maury program must have been a rerun):

What would the Bay Guardian be without at least one weekly mention of Cameron chum, Hemlock Tavern booker, former Icky Boyfriend drummer, and your friendly Mr. Evil? Anthony Bedard was flown to New York on Wednesday to appear as a guest on the Maury Povich show as the boyfriend of Dixie Evans, 77-year-old burlesque star and curator of the Exotic World burlesque museum. "For reals!" affirms Bedard, who met Evans when he was playing drums for Fisherman's Famous Burlesque. "She's the sweetest, coolest woman." No icky boyfriend he.

Looking up Dixie Evans, I learned that in her 1950s heyday, her gimmick was utilizing her physical resemblance to Marilyn Monroe to do a Norma Jean striptease (as seen in photo at left). As the reviewer at Java's Bachelor Pad put it, "The real Marilyn Monroe was too inaccessible to your average joe, but Evans (in her Monroe guise) could let these men's imagination run wild. If you couldn't have Monroe, you could have the next best thing." It was a good run until Marilyn's death in the early 60s.

Icks Picks
And what of the the Ickies legacy? Are they still not fascinating? Well, in 2000, the Menlo Park label issued a limited-edition, career-wrapping compilation titled Talking to You Is Just Like Being Dead, which consisted mostly of previously unreleased studio cuts. Menlo Park upped the ante in 2005 with the release of a 57-track career retrospective called A Love Obscene.


Icky Boyfriends Links:
www.mp3.com
Blue Ghost Publicity
Midheaven Mailorder
Dusted Review
Pitchfork Media Review
Ugly Music for Beautiful People
Splendid Magazine Review

Dixie Evans Links:
Dixie Evans gallery
Exotic World Burlesque Museum
Java's Bachelor Pad

Reviews of I'M NOT FASCINATING:
Big Empire
Video Addicts

To buy I'M NOT FASCINATING:
Video Addicts catalog
Buy Indies.com
SatanMacNuggit (also has a preview clip)

Know the Toe

Thanks to Scott Huffines for sending me yet another amusing link, this one from the newspaper column "Ask Leslie" about a concerned godparent afraid that his/her godson might be on drugs because the lad's been looking for "camel toads" at the local pool!

















If you're blind, like me, you might wanna read the big print version here:
Scouting for Camel Toads at the Pool

Obviously the godparent had misunderstood "camel toe," which is described by the urbane folks at Urban Dictionary as "a very aesthetically pleasing phenomenon, whereby a woman's venus mound is clearly discernable under the snug fabric of her lower garment." A classic textbook example of this phenomenon is shown on the gal at left, below:













But camel toe isn't restricted just to slutty, drunk domestic skanks; it's a worldwide phenonema, as this photo of Miss Afghanistan in her hot pants reveals. In just three years under our influence, that country has moved from Taliban to Toeliban. Democracy in action!

























And, in a related story, male "camel toe" (AKA "moose knuckle") was spotted on a Mexican in our own backyard, Ocean City, Maryland, by the hawk-eyed (or is that "fish-eyed") experts at Camel Toe Report. The Toe Report is amazingly thorough and funny. In fact, all the photos shown here are from the big Toe site. Their male toe listings are quite amusing - quite a few rock stars like Andy Gibb and Bon Scott turn up. Who knew that when Harry Shearer stuffed that cucumber in his pants in Spinal Tap he was creating an early version of Male Toe/Moose Knuckle?




Further Resources for Concerned Godparents:

• The official online field spotter's guide for "Camel Toe," both male and female: Camel Toe Report


• All-girl band Fannypack's song "Cameltoe."

Down Mammary Lane

I ran across this picture in some MySpace Group and now I can't remember where it was. Does anyone know who this gal with the healthy spore sacs is?











A Meditation On Breasts
I've never been a breast man, having ignored this strategic zone for most of my adult life - maybe because I dismissed them as mere animal fat designed for the nourishment of babies or the amusement of Benny Hill-Generation dirty old men - but I have to say this is my all-time favorite animated gif. Perhaps I'm growing as a person now, seeing the full spectrum of Life's rich pagentry? Perhaps with Age comes Wisdom? Nah, Age is still dining at a table set for one! I think they only interest me now because of their innate silliness. I mean, why do you think they call them boobs?

Big Words
Anyway, while we're on the weighty subject of breasts, I remember coming across a Pulp Fiction novel excerpt that had contained what is possibly the greatest prose passage ever written about them:

Dual prize packages of rounded richness, twin curved cones of bouncing fun flesh, matched mountains of youthful tanned quivering exciting femininity, titanic orbs of temptation, happy hemispheres of lust, jaunty jiggling rotundities of passion--in a phrase...MY kind of breasts! (by Anonymous Hack)

Thanks to the folks at Travesty Films for including the above bon mots on their hilarious book-on-tape Cheap Stories, which featured the best parts of the worst novels of the '40s, '50s, and '60s, read to the accompaniment of "smokey bongo jazz."

Big Sounds
Speaking of sounds, a number of thought-provoking songs have been written about or mentioned female breasts, from the Biblical "Song of Solomon" ("I am a wall and my breasts are like towers") to The Fugs' "Boobs A Lot" - and, unfortunately, virtually every hip-hop song - but one of my faves remains Durwood Douche's "I Can't Keep My Mits Off Your Tits." (Durwood Douche is actually the faux Deutsche name of the late great L.A. jazz pianist Dick Shreve. He put out a German label CD called Big Banned & Blue, but you can also find an mp3 of the titty ditty on Clay's Oddities Wav Page.)

Big Sights
Of course, as a film geek, mammaries have always impacted my memories. It's the big ones that stick out, naturally. (It's the way of the world - we all remember Wilt Chamberlain, Shaq and Yao Ming but who among us remembers little Spud Webb?) Even before I knew who they were, European screen sirens like Brigitte Bardot, Sophia Loren, Claudia Cardinale, and Gina Lollabrigida were part of my adolescent consciousness because they were so open about their upper torsos. Being a Mini Cooper guy in a Hummer world, I always preferred petiteness to zaftig, Audrey Hepburn to Marilyn Monroe, so I almost felt sorry for these Euro gals' girth, thinking they ate too much spaghetti and cheese. And the big-busted American film actresses I just found plain vulgar, like tail fins on a cadillac, though I did like the classic Jayne Mansfield milk bottles scene from The Girl Can't Help It, in which director Frank Tashlin seemed to nail Hollywood's infantile, boorish obsession with big breast jokes. Anyway, here's my list of notable film busts that "stand out" in my mind for one reason or another (usually for their Fellini-esque grotesqueness):

• Amacord - Fellini's late masterpiece stands out for the iconic poster of the middle-aged momma mia, a reference to the film's buxom beautician Gradisca.


• Chesty Morgan, star of Doris Wishman's Deadly Weapons and Double Agent 73, for having breasts so big (73-inches!) they looked like they were intended to breast-feed a hippo. In Deadly Weapons she introduced the concept of breasts as something that could bludgeon a man to death.
  In Double Agent 73, the plot revolved around her having a spy camera embedded in her bosom, giving rise to the classic tagline, "Watch out for the booby traps...they're loaded!" With breasts so freakish, it was natural that she end up in a Fellini film, and she did (albeit uncredited) in 1976's Fellini's Cassanova.


• Raquel Welch in 1966's One Million Years B.C.. As a scantily-clad cavewoman, this role defined both her acting and her aesthetic appeal: primitive.


• All Russ Meyer films. The women's breasts in these films actually scared me, because, like Godzilla, they were MONSTROUS! However, I recall being impressed by the presence of Raven de la Croix in Up!, Kitten Navidivad in Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens, and Ushi Digard in Super Vixens (though my fondest memory of her remains a cameo in the 1971 alien-horror-sex flick The Toy Box, in which Ushi made love to an inanimate bed that suddenly came alive!). Ironically, Russ became a total boob late in life when he developed Alzheimer's disease.


• All Benny Hill episodes. Sometimes on the late-night broadcasts, I could swear you'd see a real breast pop out when King Leer was chasing Sue Upton or some other buxotic actress/model around. Benny made sure his medium was the boob tube.


• The Blue Max. All I remember from this widescreen epic about WWI fighter pilots is the sex scene between George Peppard and Countess Kaeti von Klugermann. It was 1966, I was 9, and I was blown away by the bare, anamorphic top-heavy torso of Ursula Andress. The only comparable feeling was the epiphany I had upon first seeing Julie Newmar's derriere tightly packed into Catwoman's black leather catsuit on TV's Batman. Strange stirrings, indeed!


• Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. Breasts truly become Deadly Weapons when the femme bots unleash machine-guns from their titanium tit turrets.


• Metropolis. And speaking of femme bots, how about bot babes Old School Style, circa Fritz Lang's 1927 silent classic in which Maria, and the world, gets turned on? As Iris Barry put it, "The clothing of a robot in human flesh provides as great a thrill as anyone could wish."


• Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid To Ask). Woody Allen's 1972 comedy took Hollywood's obsession with big boobs to the max as a frightened couple are chased by a giant breast on loose. And just when you think it's over, he warns us that these things "usually travel in pairs." I'm sure this scene traumatized me for many years's to come.

Big List
Finally, no reference would be complete without mentioning drive-in movie critic Joe Bob Briggs' "Canonical Hooter List," the world's most complete list of synonyms for the female breast. If you've got one that's not listed here, please feel free to comment and I'll add it! Should the link above not work, here is the list reprinted in its entirety:

JOE BOB'S CANONICAL "HOOTER" LIST, A Thru Z

A
A-B-Cs
Abbott and Costello
Airbags
Alaskas
All Day Suckers
Alpha Betas
Alps
Amazons
Ample Supply
Amortisseurs (shock absorbers)
An Bord Bainne (Irish-language; literally, "The Milk Board", The organisation
which oversees the dairy industry in Ireland)
Angel Cakes
Annette Funicellos
Ant Bites
Appalachians
Apple Dumpling Shops
Apples
Arthritis
Artichokes
Assets
Atom Smashers
Attic
Aurorae Australis
Avant-postes (Outposts)
Avant-scenes (Apron - of stage)
Avanteges -Advantages
Avocados
Awning
B
B-52's
Babaloos
Backbreakers
Baby Baits
Baby Feeders
Baby's Best Friend
Baby's Dinners
Baby's Public House
Babylons
Back Rubbers
Bag O' Groceries
Baggies
Baggos
Bags
Bagungas
Bait and Lure
Balboas
Balcon - Balcony
Balloons
Baloobas
Banana Squeezers
Bangers
Bangles
Banzis
Baps
Barbeaus
Barnacles
Barnes and Noble
Basketballs
Bassoons
Batons
Baubles
Bazongas
Bazonkers
Bazookas
Bazoomas
Bazooms
Bazoombas
Beacons
Beanbags
Beautiful Eyes
Bebops
Bedtime Beach Balls
Beestings
Begonias
Bejonkers
Ben and Jerry
Bert and Ernie
Berthas
Best Friends
Betty Boops
Bettys
BiBs (bigger is better!)
Big Bazooties
Big Berthasa
Big Boppers
Big Brown Eyes
Big Foot Radials
Big Sacks of Jugs
Bigguns
Bikini Stuffers
Billibongs
Bio Domes
Biscuits
Bits Of Tid
Bizcochos
BJ & the Bear
Blenders
Blimps
Blinkers
Blockbusters
Blouse Bunnies
Blue Ridges
Bob & Doug
Bob & Ray
Bob & Tom
Bobolas
Bobos
Bodacious Ta-Tas
Boingos
Boites-a-Lait (Milk Bottles)
Bolshy Groodies
Bombastic Mams
Bombers
Bombshells
Bonbons
Bongos
Bonkers
Bonnie and Clyde
Boobage
Boobalicious
Boobers
Boobies
Boobs
Bookends
Bookrests
Boomers
Boom-Boom Rockets
Boons
Boops
Boosters
Bosom Buddies
Bosoms
Boston Wobbelers, The
Bottle
Boulderados
Boulders
Bouncers
Bouncing Beauties
Bouncing Bettys
Boy Bait
Bozos
The Boys
Bra Buddies
Bra Busters
Bra Fight
Bra Stuffers
Brad Pitts
Brail for "Suck me"
Brain Busters
Braunsteins
Breakfast Tray
Breast Friends
Breastages
Breastaurant, The
Breasteses
Breastest Friends
Breasticles
Breasts
Breed Winners
Brisket
Bristol Cities
Bristols
BRitney's Assets (BRAs)
Bronskis
Brown Speckled Pups
Brownies
Brustwarzes
Bubbas
Bubbies
Bubble Cups
Buckets
Buds
Bugs
Bulbs
Bulges
Bullets
Bumper Cars
Bumper Guards
Bumpers
Bumps
Bumps In The Night
Buoys
Bushell-Bubbies
Bust
Busters
Busties
Butter Bags
Butterballs
Buttons
C
Caboodles
Cachongas
Cadillac Bumpers
Cafe La Mama
Calabazas
Cams
Cannisters
Cannon Balls
Cannons
Cans
Cantaloupes
Capitol Domes
Car Waxers
Carachas
Cargo
Caricatures
Carumbas
Casaba Melons
Casabas
Castinets
Castles in the Air
Cat Heads
Cha-Chas
Chachabingos
Chalky Cliffs
Chalupas
Charlie's Angels
Charlies
Chaw
Cheek Warmers
Cherry Cakes
Cherry Caps
Chest Hams
Chest Meat
Chest Ornaments
Chesterfields
Chesticles
Chestnuts
Chet-Flasted
Chi-Chi's
Chickadees
Chickaroonies
Chihuahuas
Chimichangas
Chimpanzees
Chiquitas
Chock Blocks
Chockey-nips
Choochoos
Chombalonies
Chubs
Chumbawumbas
Chungas
Chopons
Cinch Sacks
Circus Tents
Claire-de-Lunes
Clams
Cleft Udders
Coconuts
Cold Weather Indicators
Combreastables
Commode Cloggers
Concitas
Cones
Congas
Conundrums
Corkers
Countess and The Lady
Cowabungas
Coxcombs
Creamers
Cream Pies
Creampuffs
Cruise Missles
Cubs
Cuddly Dudes
Cuhuangas
Cupcakes
Cup-Runneth-Over Cups
Curves
Cushions
D
Da-Das
Dactylic Delights
Dagmars
Dairy
Dairy Makers
Dairy Pillows
Dandies
Danglers
Dangling Participles
Danny Devitos
Davey & Goliath
David Duchovneys
Dead Heat in a Zepplin Race
Demigods
Dennis DeYoungs
Desperados
Dessert
Deux Oeufs Sur La Plat
Devil's Dumplings
Diddies
Ding Dongs
Dingers
Dinghies
Dinglebobbers
Dingos
Dinners
Dirigibles
Dirty Pillows
Distributor Caps
Dolly Partons
Domes
Donkey's Ears
Doodads
Doorbells
Doorknobs
Doozers
Doozies
Dopplegangers
Double Dribbles
Double Ds
Double Trouble
Double Whammies
Doudounes
Doughboys
Droopers
Dual Air Bags
Dual Floppies
Duckies
Duece And A Halves
Dueling Banjos
Dugs
Du monde au balcon (French; size-dependant; ; literally, "to have the world on one's balcony")
Dum Dums
Dumbells
Dumplins
Dunes
Durante's
The Dutch Alps
Dynamic Duo
Dynamite
E
Earmuffs
Eartha Kitts
Eclairs
Eggplants
Eggs
Egos
Eigers
Eisenhowers
El Primo Torpedos
Elephants
Ellby and Arb
Emerson Bigguns
Emmersomes
Empress and the Queen
Enchiladas
Epcots
Epees
Eric and Lyle
Ericas
Everest and Kilimanjaro
Ewers
Exegeses
Explosives
Eyes
F
Fahrphegnuggens
Fahrvergnugens
Feedbags
First Base
Flapjacks
Flappers
Flat Plains
Flesh Bulbs
Flesh Fillets
Flesh Fujis
Flesh Melons
Floaters
Floats
Flopdoodles
Floppers
Flotation Devices
Flotteurs - Floaters
Flowers of Attitude
Fly Swatters
Fly Tetas
Fog Lights
Footlights
Fred and Ethyl
Fried Eggs
Friends
Front Bum
Front Porch
Frontal Elevation
Frontal Female Water Wings
Frosties
Frybabies
Fujiyamas
Fun Bags
Fun Domes
Funnel Cakes
G
Gagas
Gajoombas
Garbage Bags
Garbonzas
Garbos
Gazingas
Gazelles
Gazongas
Gazoombas
Geminis
Genaustahagens
George and Gracie
Geraldos
The Girls
Girlie Bumpers
Girlthangs
Glad Bags
The Gland Canyon
Glands
Glandular Endowments
Glass Cutters
Globelets
Globes
Glockenspeils
Gnugens
Gob Stoppers
God's Greatest Creation
God's Milk Bottles
Godzillas
Golden Bozos
Golden Domes
Gongas
Goobers
Good Bits
Goodies
Goodyears
Goombas
Goonas
Grab-Ems
Grand Jeans (French)
Grand Tetons
Grapefruits
Gravity Magnets
Great Galloping Galoogies
Great Wobblin' Wazoobies
Grillwork
Groodies
Groupies
Guavas
Gubiczas
Gumballs
Gumdrops
Gunboats
The Guys
H
Hakuna Mutatas
Hallelujahs
Hammocks For Two
Handfuls
Handle Bars
Handholds
Handsets
Hand Warmers
Hangers
Hanging Cucumbers
Happy Bags
Happy Pillows
Hat Hangers
Headbangers
Headers
Head Lamps
Headlights
Headphones
Headsets
Heavers
Heavy Duty Honeydews
Hefties
Heifers
Helicopters
Hematomas
Hemispheres
Hercules and Achilles
Hershey Kisses
High Beams
High Pockets
High-Rise Weather Balloons
Hills
Hindenburgs
Hinderbinders
Hippos
Ho Hos
Hobey J's
Hogans
Holmes & Watson
Home Sweet Home
Honey Dews
Honkers
Honorarium
Hood Ornaments
Hoohas
Hoosiers
Hooters
Hoovers
Hoppy and Bob
Horns
Horrorshow Bolshy Groodies
Hot Air Balloons
Hot Commodities
Hotcakes
Hottentots
Hounds, The
House of Lords
How's Your Father's
Howitzers
Howlers
Hubba Bubbas
Hubcaps
Huffies
Hug Bumps
Huge Maguffies
Huggy Bears
Hugh Jooters
Human Tetherballs
Humdingers
Humonganoids
Humpin' Hooters
Hurricane Lanterns
Hush Puppies
Hypnotizers
I
ICBMs
Ice Caps
Ice Cubes
Idahos
Igloos
Il y a du beau monde (said of a genreously endowed woman - literally "there are a lot of people there")
Implants
Inflatables
Ios
Ipsedixits
Isaac Newtons
Itty Bits
Itty Bitty Titties
I-Want-Thems
J
Jackanapes
Jaggers
Jahoobies
Jambalayas
Janet Jacksons
Jawbreakers
Jelly Bells
Jemimas
Jerry-Bilts
Jersey Cities
Jets
Jibs
Jigglies
Jigglers
Jiggly Wigglies
Jobbers
John And Paul
Jordans
Jubblies
Juggernauts
Juggies
Jugglies
Jugs
Jukes
Jumblies
Jumbo Chickpeas
Jumbos
K
K-12 & Everest
Kabombas
Kabukis
Kagemushas
Kajoobies
Kalamazoos
Kanchenjungas
Karl Marx and Joseph Stalin
Kawangas
Kayaks
Kazongas
Kazoos
Keepers
Kettle Drums
Kiwis
Knicknacks
Knobbers
Knobs
Knockers
Kongas
Kukla, Fran, and Ollie
Kumquats
L
La Breas
Lactating lungs
Lactic Lobes
Lacto Grenades
Lactoids
Lampoons
Launch Codes
Laurel and Hardy
Lean-To's
Lemons
Lethal Weapons
Leverage
Lewinskis
Lewis and Witties
Lightbulbs
Lindas
Lip Fodder
Little Duckies
Llamas
Load Stones
Loaves
Loaves fo love
Loblollies
Locklears
Long Range Tanks
Lollies
Lollipops
Lollos
Lookers
Lost Sheep
Love Handles
Love Jugs
Love Lumps
Love Melons
Love Muffins
Lovlies
Low Riders
Lucky Charms
Lug 'Ems
Lulas
Lulus
Lung Covers
Lung Hammers
Lung Nuts
Lungwarts
Luscious Lip-smackers
M
Macaroos
Mackerels
Madonnas
Magnates
Magnets
Magnificent Pontoons of Love
Magookins
Maguppies
Maharanis
Mahatmas
Majestic Mountains
Major Dongs
Major League Mammaries
Major Motion Picture Material
Male-Madness Inducers
Mamacitas
Mambazos
Mammalian Protruberances
Mammarambas
Mammaries
Mammary Lane
Mammies
Mams
Man Magnets
Man Puppets
Mangos
ManNIPulators
Mappemonde (those old fashioned maps showing two hemispheres)
Maracas
Marangos
Maraschinos
Margaritas
Marimbas
Marshmallows
Marx Brothers
Massage Pillows
Matching Headlights
Mau Maus
Mausers
Mazongas
McDLT's
McFloppities
Meatbags
Meatballs
Meat Loaves
Melon Patch
Melones
Melons
Mesmerizers
Mickey and Minnie
Mike and Ike
Milk Bags
Milk Bottles
Milk Cans
Milk Duds
Milk Fountains
Milk Jugs
Milk Makers
Milk Melons
Milk Shakes
Milk Towers
Milk Wagons
Milky Sacks of Calcium
Milky Moos
Minarets
Minesweepers
Minneapolis and St. Paul
Minnebagos
Missles
Mobutus
Mogambas
Mojuba's, The
Mole Hills
Mommas
Mondos
Moneymakers
Monroes
Montezumas
Moo Moos
Moogies
Moon Pies
Moonlight Sonatas
Mosobs
Mosquito Bites
Mother Loads
Mounds
Mounds of Jello
Moutain Peaks
Mountains
Mount Fujies
Mouthwatering Scoops Of Flesh
Moveable Feast
Muchachas
Muffins
Mulligans
Murphies
Mushmelons
Mutt and Jeff
N
Nancies
National Geographics
Nature's Founts
Nature's Little Thermometers
Naughty Bits
Nay-Nays
Nectarines
Neeners
Nenes
Nevernevers
Nibards
Niblets
Nibs
Nice Pair of thru'pennies
Nice Set Of Hands
Nice-uns
Nichons
Nin-Nins
Ninnies
Ninny Jugs
Ninth and Tenth Wonders of the World
Nippeloons
Nippelos
Nippers
Nipples
Nipple-Caddies
Nipple Sundaes
Nips
Nodes
Nodules
Noochies
Noogies
Norks
Northern Neon-Beamed Headlights
Nortons
Nose Cones
Nubbins
Nuclear Wareheads
Nukes
Num-Nums
O
Obelisks
Oblations
Oboes
Off-On Volume & the Channel Selector
Omigods
Oompas
Oppenheimers
Oracles
Oranges
Orbs
Ostrich Eggs
Ottomans
Overhang
Overstuffed Cushions
Overstuffed Pillows
Owls
P
Padding
Paducahs
Pagodas
Pair
Pair of Problems
Palms
Palookas
Pamelas
Pancakes
Papayas
Parabolas
Pare-chocs (bumpers)
Parrots
Part Numbers, The
Party Bags
Party Hats
Party Passes
Pastor Baiters
Pastries
Paw Patties
Peaches
Peacocks
Peakers
Peaks
Pears
Pebbles
Pects
Peepers
Pencil Erasers
Pendulums
Penis Pillows
Perkys
Perpetual Entertainment
Personal Flotation Devices
Pert and Perkies
Pete and Repeat
Pia Zadoras
Pick & Peck
Pies
Pike's Peaks
Pillows
Pimples
Ping Pings
Pink-nosed Puppies
Pinkies
Pinky & Perky
Pips
Pirate's Dream
Planetoids
Pleasant Eminences
Pleasure Mounds
Pleasure Peaks
Plentifuls
Plucktifuls
Plums
Pneumatic Bliss
Pods of Lust
Pointer Sisters
Pointers
Points
Pokers
Polygons
Pom Poms
Ponderosas
Pontoons
Poppinjays
Portable Typewriters
Potatoes
Presidential Pair
Pretty-Pretties
Pride And Joy
Professors
Proof That God Exists
Protuberances
PT Boats
Pumpkin Patch
Pumpkins
Pumps
Puppies
Pushmatahas
Push-Ups
Pyramids
Q
Quakers
Quantities
Quantum Heaps
Quasars
Quit-its
Quonset Huts
R
Rack
Rackage
Radar Domes
Radials
Ragtag and Bobtail
Raisins
Ralph Waldo Emersons
Rangoons
Raquels
Raspberry Ripples
Reasons To Live
Red Carpets
Rib Balloons
Rib Bumpers
Rib Cushions
Rib Flaps
Rivets
Roberts
Rockets
Rockies
Romans
Roploplos
Rosebuds
Rositas
Rotors
Rotundas Grandes
Roundabouts
Roundies
Roundtrippers
Ruby Reds
Rudolphs
Running Lights
S
Saggers
Saggies
Salamanders
Saline bags
The Saline Solutions
Salt & Pepper
Sams
Sandbags
Sapphos
Satellites
Schmeebs on those Nortons
Scones
Scoops
Scud Missles
Scylla & Charybdis
Searchlights
Set
Shabba-dos
Shakers
Shebas
Shelf
Shermans
Sherman Tanks
Shimmies
Shirt Potatoes
Shirt Stuffers
Shivarees
Shlobes
Shmozobs
Shock Absorbers
Shock And Awe
Shoe Buffers
Show Stoppers
Sierra Madres
Sigfried And Roy
Silicone Earmuffs
Silicone Sisters
Silicones
Silicone Suprise Supremes
Silos
Silver Stars
Sir Galahad and King Arthur
Skeeter Bites
Skeeter Chews
Skin Sacks
Ski Slopes to Heaven
Skooners
Slappers
Smart Set
Smith and Wesson
Smoothies
Smuggling Raisins
Snack Rack
Snorbs
Snow Cones
Snow Tires
Snowy Prominences
Snuggle Pups
Sockdollagers
Sopapillas
Space Aliens
Spark Plugs
Specials
Speed Bags
Speed Bumps
Spheres
Spic And Span
Splazoingas
Spongecakes
Spontaneous Combustibles
Spuds
Sqaushers
Squaw Valley
Squeeky Toys
Stacks
Stanley and Livingston
Stash in the Dash
Stocking Stuffers
Strap Hangers
Stratus-spheres
Stress Busters
Stripper's ATMs
Stuff
Stuffing
Stun Grenades
Sturgeons
Sucklebags
Sugar Cubes
Sugar Plums
Super Droopers
Supernauts
Sultanas
Sweater Bumpers
Sweater Kittens
Sweater Meat
Sweater Melons
Sweater Mittens
Sweater Puffs
Sweater Puppets
Sweater Puppies
Sweater Stuffers
Sweat Glands
Sweetrolls
T
Tahitis
Talents
Tallapoosas
Tamales
Tambourines
Tango & Cash
Tankers
Tartugas
Tassles
Tastykakes
Tatas
Tater Tots
Tats
Tatties
Tattlers
Teacups
Teatolas
Teats
Tee Pees
Teetees
Teeters
Tentacles
Terrible Twos
Terrible Twosome
Tetas
Tetons
Thangs
Thank Yous
Thelma And Louise
Thingamajigs
Thingamajugs
Thingies
Thousand Pities
Thwackers
Ticket Punchers
Ticket Sellers
Tidbits
Tiddly-Winks
Tig Bitties
Tig Ol' Bitties
Time Zones
Tippers
Tishomingos
Titbits
Tits
Titskis
Titter
Titties
TNT's
Tobacco Pouch
Tomatoes
Tom-Toms
Tom & Jerry
Tongue Depressors
Tongue Twisters
Tonsils
Toolbags
Tooters
Tootsie Pops
Top Bollocks (or Top Bollox)
Tora Boras
Torpedoes
Tortillas
Tortugas
Totos
Totties
Towers
Towering Twin Peaks
Town and Cities
Tracts of Land
Tribbles
Turaluras
Twangers
Tweakers
Tweedledee & Tweedledum
Tweekers
Twin Cities
Twin Peaks
The Twins
Two Eggs, Sunny Side Up
Two Puppies in a Burlap Bag
Twofers
Tympanies
Type 2s
U
Uberalles
U-Boats
Udders
Uhurus
Umbrellas
Umlauts
Upper Karoos
Upper Ten
USDAs
Utopia
V
Van Dorens
Victrolas
Volcanoes
Volksvanins
Volumes
Volvos
Voos
W
Wa-wa pedals
Wahwahs
Waldos
Wallace & Grommit
Wally and the Beav
Wally Wispoppers
Walters
Wanna Bs
Warheads
Warts
Water Balloons
Watermelons
Weapons
Wedding Tackle
Whammers
Whapoons
Whatchacallems
Whim Whams
White Rabbits
Whole and 2%
Whoopies
Whoppers
Wibbly Wobbly Wonders
Widebodies
Wigglers
Wigwams
Willie & Waylon
Wilsons
Windbags
Windjammers
Windmills
Windshield Wipers
Winnebagos
Wipers
Wobblers
Womanhood
Wonder Twins
Wonderments
Wongas
Wonkas
Woodymakers
Woofers
Wookies
Wopbopaloobops
Workbench
World Trade Centers
Wows
Wreaths
X
Xenoliths
X-Rateds
X-Ray Glasses
Xylophones
Y
Yabbos
Yabos
Yahoos
Yams
Yayas
Yazoos
Yeast Dough
Ying Yangs
Yippie & Yahoo
Yippies
Yolandas
Yomamas
Yowsers
Yubees
Yum-Yums
Yummies
Yugos
Z
Z-bras
Zagger & Evans
Zeppelins
Ziggurats
Ziggys
Zingers
Zippys
Zoom Zooms
Zoombas
Zoomers
Zwiebacks
ZZ Tops





Related link:
Animated Boobs